When people are explaining their relationship issues to me or how they’re struggling with a breakup, I often hear something along the lines of, “I tried so hard to be a good girlfriend/boyfriend” or even “I did everything that someone could want from a good girlfriend/boyfriend” and it immediately alerts me to someone who was very much devoted to pleasing the other party, likely at the expense of themselves. It also reminds me of when I tell my daughters that they can’t do/have something and they go, “But I’ve been a good girl mummy!” and I’m thinking “Er, that’s got nothing to do with my answer!”
Many of us have been raised with this idea that being “good” is super-important. In fact, many of us have been raised with the idea (or certainly interpreted it as such) that if we are good, people will treat us well, hence ipso facto the assumption is that if we’re not treated well then we must have been “bad”. This sticks with us from our childhoods and even when we become adults, we forget to mature our perceptions or adjust our behaviours.

















































